This just in! Despite efforts to deflect attention from the Beaver State Combat team through specious allegations that Mike "ZZ" Hazel is secretly the queen of England, the true Beaver State Combat team has grabbed the limelight from the devious Broadway Bod Busters.
Secret research having been revealed via Flying Lines spy technology, the Beavers have relented and allowed themselves to be photographed by the modeling papparazzi.
The photo at right was taken at the final practice session for the Bladder Grabber, where all active members of the Beavers Team declared their equipment and their skills ready for the world's most prestigious model airplane combat contest. From left are pictured Mike "ZZ" "Not the Queen of England" Hazel, John "the Undertaker" Thompson and Gene "5-second kill" Pape.
All members of the team declined comment for publication, however, except for ZZ Hazel, who remarked ... "Even the real queen of England won't be able to save the Bod Busters from annihilation next weekend."
Jim Corbett photo.
By HRH Granny Liz (Queenie)
Ahem, hem, hem....hem, hem, hem........
It has been brought to our royal attentions that Canada's national animal the Beaver is being maligned by some unruly western "non empire-loyalist" upstarts. We are not amused.
The regal beaver has appeared on the Canadian nickel for decades. We will not stand for him being harassed, slandered or compromised in any way. Charlie, Andy, William and Harry have their forces at the ready to defend the beaver and are prepared to deliver a sound thrashing, just like in the Falklands brouhaha with the Argies. We can't have a bunch of non-colonials pooh-poohing Canada's beaver. It's just not done! We would also advise that our beaver henceforth be referred to as a semiaquatic mammal, NOT some filthy rodent! We really don't wish to have another one of those "international incidents" again. They do so tend to attract foreigners!
Sincerely, HRH Grannie Liz
By Ken Burdick
Yes folks, it's true,
There seems to be an abundance of Beavers with wings here in the Great North-West.
In prehistoric times, (1988) there was in fact a group claiming affiliation with the Beaver. Obviously a cheap ploy to ride on the coattails of the Oregon State Football team.
I was attending the Bladder Grabber, when a group walked up to me and said "We're the Beavers," showing their front teeth. I suggested that the run along and play, which they did.
I really paid it no mind other than the obvious (nut cakes) and continued flying, but the thought did enter my mind that these may be a subspecies of the Giant Beaver.
The Giant Beaver (Castoroides ohioensis)
(right) was a huge species of rodent, with a length up to 2.5 m (8.2 feet)
and an estimated weight of 60-100 kg (130-220 lbs); past estimates went
up to 220 kg (485 lbs). It lived in Northwestern region of the United States
during the Pleistocene epoch, and went extinct at the end of the last Ice
Age, 10,000 years ago. The extinction of the Giant Beaver may have been
due to ecological restructuring at the end of the Pleistocene. The arrival
of the Broadway Bod Busters in the Americas could have been a factor.
Fossils of the Giant Beaver are concentrated around the Midwestern United States in states near the Great Lakes, particularly Illinois and Indiana, but specimens are recorded from Alaska and Canada to Florida. Specimens from Oregon and Canada have been placed in a subspecies, Castoroides ohioensis dilophidus, based on poor flying techniques.
This giant Rodent thing could cause minor problems especially since they now have the ability to write and have somehow infiltrated the Central office of Flying Lines.
Who knows, maybe it's like zombie Beavers.they just start showing up places you don't expect them to.
In a recent publication that seemed more of a rant, it was hinted at that there were Canadians at work to join forces with said Beavers. The Beaver is after all the noble symbol of Canada and while not in any way disparaging this, you'd think they would have chosen a Bear, or Eagle.maybe even a Mountain Lion, but no, it's a Beaver who slaps its tail on the water to warn other Beavers to run away.
Let it be said here and now, The Broadway Bod Busters aint scared of no Beavers attack be it from the North or from the South.
In a prepared statement, the spokes person for the internationally
known combat fliers Huevos Fritos (right) had this to say:
"Giant Beavers????!!!" "What the hell is wrong with you guys?!" Why can't I just write for a newspaper like John! Why do I get all the dirty work, you're all crazy!!!! I quit!!!!"
Well, although this may seem to convey a bit of negativity, we all wish Huevos a speedy recovery and good luck in his new career.
In the apparent absence of our spokesman, I will relay the sentiments of various members of the BBB about this Beaver/Canadian threat to our long standing combat dominance.
Kenny-B: "I aint scared a no Beavers"
Stunt Guru Dirty Dan: "Beavers! That aint right!"
The Rein Man: "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Steve-O: " There's more than one way to skin a Beaver"
Combat Monster: "KILL!, KILL!, KILL!"
The Buzz Man: " Rodents! Are you kidding!!!?"
And so dear readers, it appears that the BBB is simply not the least bit concerned about a group claiming to be a contingent of Beavers, Oregon or otherwise. I would caution you to approach said Beavers with care as they can be a bit on the touchy side and no one wants a picnic ruined by falling trees. Attached is a picture of what our sources tell me may possibly be the ring leader.
If Mad Murray and the others from B.C show up at the Bladder Grabber with a bag full of Beavers, that's going to be their tough luck.
--Kenny-B and The Bod Busters
Beavers busy at work building their attack on those "dam" Bod Busters.
This page was upated Aug. 7, 2008