By Ken Burdick
Yes folks it's true,
One cold December night, Kenny-b and the Rein Man were working in the Bod Buster secret Laboratory. We had decided that our latest designs for F2D Proto (fastest growing event in the Northwest) would not only take the existing WORLD RECORD from teammate the Combat Monster, but it would also catapult one of us to international proto speed Hall Of Fame.
Me, no ... me ... no way dude ... me." We were having the usual debate about fame and fortune when suddenly our security system (Tia the security hound) began to growl and look at the ceiling. We recently improved the security system by purchasing a flock of geese who will all honk at the slightest provocation.
The growling escalated into barking in an attempt to get our attention. Mine's lighter ... yours flaps its wings! Oh yeah? Well mine is black and black is 2 mph faster, no way dude ...
(Woof-woof, WOOF! BARK! BARK! honk, honk, honk)
Hey, you hear something? Yah, it's on the roof, you suppose it's the Alien ?I dunno, one of us should go see. ... You go, no you go, no way dude, you go ... okay, paper scissors rock, one, two, three ...
(BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK, BARK!!!!!!)
(HONK!, HONK!, HONK!, HONK!!!!!!)
Speeding like an electric stunt ship, the Rein Man killed the lights darkening the room that contrasted with the new fallen snow shinning white in the halogen lights outside.
You think they can hear us? Whaddya mean they! Maybe we're we under siege again. No clue man ... the last time it was Mike and John. You'd think they know better ... We'll sic the dog on em again. Yeah, if the stupid geese don't get em first.
We heard loud voices on the roof, a thud and then sliding sounds, two figures fell past the window into the snow bank piled up outside. You see that? I asked. Yah, it looked like a couple of guys, one in red and one in green. Tia was inconsolable and there was no way to stop the rant of barks and chorus of honks going on. Between the barks and honking, I thought I heard someone say," This won't work Mike, we don't have Reindeer" " Shhhhhh! They might hear you!" Damn those geese!"
"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK"
Go away ... there's no one here, shouted the Rein Man. Nice job dude, call the Combat Monster, they're on to us. We placed our ear to the door and listened carefully.
HO, HO, HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS! YAH, HO, HO, HO! Get these geese away from me!
You think it's Oleg? I asked. No, said Jeff, He would have called ahead, and besides there's two of them. We deployed the Bod Buster periscope kept with the balsa wood for just such an occasion. After the Ninja attack of 2007, we have learned that an ounce of Ninja prevention is worth a pound of cure.
I slowly pushed the scope through the secret dryer vent location, and was astonished at what it showed. There in front of the BBB's secret laboratory was none other than Santa Claus. He was dressed all in red from his head to his foot, a right Jolly old elf with a beard and everything! He had a helper with him who was dressed in a typical elf outfit. The elf however was quite a bit taller than Santa and appeared to be disgruntled. Elves don't like falling off of roofs. I said. What? Yelled the Rein Man. Here, look for yourself I replied. Yah, he said, that goose is getting the better of him too.
It's Santa, cried Jeff. Let's let him in! Let him in! Okay, I replied, but that's an awfully tall elf. Don't be so suspicious, you know how hard it is to find workers these days. All right, and I cautiously opened the door. What happened next can only be described as a miracle, in walked Santa Claus and a overly tall scowling elf rubbing his head. "HO, HO, HO!" Cried Santa as the elf tossed some dog treats to Tia who immediately relaxed, stretched out and went to sleep. Santa told us that he had heard about the great airplane designs the BBB had been creating and wondered if he could take notes for making Christmas presents.
Well, I can tell you that we were flattered beyond all doubts, tall elf and all! We welcomed them into the lab and showed Santa the R&B Rip-off along with some cool F2D stuff planned for next year. The elf, who was still frowning, explained to us that they wanted something a little different."Something like that" he said, pointing to the new F2D protos.
Well, we stammered, it's sort of a secret ya know, hush-hush and all that stuff. Santa sagged at the news, looked at us with sad eyes and said "Don't you remember when I brought you that bike? It was new then, too." What could we do? We showed him the new designs and even the engines, The elf asked if he could look closer at the engine, we obliged and gave him our very best, the X-model. Santa thanked us as did the elf and then said that they would have to give us some Santa-dust, so we wouldn't remember the visit. You just can't go around giving away Santa's whereabouts ya know.
We awoke to a pounding headache, an hour later. Santa and the elf were long gone, but left us a note, it read:
Santa and I will see you two in the speed circle at the Regionals next year, hahahahahahahahaha!
Very truly yours, Santa's little helper.
P.S.: GO BEAVERS!
Well, it appears that somehow Mike and the Beavers have infiltrated the BBB. Who knows what top secret stuff they may have made off with. Unfortunately I am missing my secret Jari Vallo notes on how to make a Redko into a lean mean fighting machine.
Damn Beavers ... stupid geese ...
-- Kenny B and the Bod Busters
This page was upated Dec. 16, 2008